Showing posts with label Australia. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Australia. Show all posts

Thursday 3 June 2021

Stem Cell Transplant

 Warning: Contains Graphic Content

In August 2020 I was diagnosed with Leukemia. After my first round of chemotherapy I was in remission but still had to undergo another 2 rounds of chemo. In the meantime I saw a specialist from Sydney who advised my best option was a Stem Cell Transplant, given the type of Leukemia I had they believed it would probably come back unless I had this done, and that it had a 70% chance of getting rid of the cancer for good, with a 10% chance it could kill me. After my third round of chemo I was released from hospital on the 30th of November, my Wedding Anniversary. The initial round of chemo really effected me, both physically and mentally, but I coped much better with the following two rounds, finding myself bored in the hospital and just wanting to go home.

While in there my parents and 2 of my brothers were tested to see if they were matches for the Stem Cell Transplant (my youngest brother wasn't tested as we are estranged, and he apparently laughed when finding out I was diagnosed and consistently wished for my death, brotherly love huh?). My brother Scott was a 100% match but they decided against using him due to his schizophrenia, instead saying they had found a Male, German donor who was a good enough match (11/12, markers I was told).

When I finally got home I was feeling pretty good, and realised how low on energy I had been feeling leading up to my diagnosis, including on my Mount Jellore walk with my friend Tristan. I went on a few hikes while waiting for my Stem Cell Transplant, including Barren Grounds and Gibbergunyah Reserve.

I had received a private instagram message from Ethan Zohn, winner of Survivor Africa (season 3), wishing me well on my treatment and letting me know I would crush cancer (Ethan himself having been through a Stem Cell Transplant twice). I finally got my date to go in for the transplant, and worrying I would die without ever getting to go on Survivor I bought myself the poorly received video game for the Nintendo Wii.

What a Fanboy

Finally I went in for the treatment, making my way up to St Vincent's Hospital earlier in the morning to get a CVC (Central Venus Catheter) placed in my neck.

After waiting around all day for my room I was told the person was feeling to unwell to leave the room, and so I was sent to a different ward to find a bed for the night. I was instantly placed into a shared room filled with degenerate druggies. I quietly asked the nurse if I could speak to her outside, telling her that I did not feel comfortable staying in the room with these guys and that I was more than happy to just drive home, and come back up tomorrow for my room. However they did not want to let me do that due to the CVC in my neck (even though I had been at home for weeks on end with a PICC in my arm during my previous chemo). I insisted I would rather sleep in the hallway, feeling more comfortable there, then in the room with them (I've had bad run ins with junkies in the past).

The head nurse soon moved me into a reserved private room that was literally the next room over that was just being reserved in case of emergencies. I spent the night there, actually able to sleep without fear of getting robbed and was moved into my room in the cancer ward the next day to begin my treatment. I was given a breakdown of my treatments by day on a paper form so I could know what the days were set to entail.


I found the food in the hospital to be much more palatable than the food from Wollongong, (which I had a breakdown about when I returned home after my very first round of chemo).

I began gaining weight rapidly due to all the infusions being pumped into my body and very quickly found myself above 90kg (as my blood counts and weight where being recorded each day on a white board in front of my bed).

Chungus

The day finally came around. Day Zero. Stem Cell time. It happened really fast and with no fuss, just like a blood transfusion. I felt like I was fine after it, but soon after, the diarrhea began. I can't recall how long it took after, but holy mother of hell it was bad. I think when it began I was going 15 times in a day, it was like an acid hose shooting out of my asshole. They soon put me on some meds to try and stem the flow, but it didn't seem to help that much, as my asshole got more and more sore, from both the acid spray and the constant wiping.

Soon the fevers and what the nurses called the 'rigors' began, getting so cold my body would uncontrollably shake and spasm and no matter how many heated blankets were placed on top of me I could not feel warm. I had to get X-Rays and blood tests looking for infections but none found anything as these fevers continued to happen, one night sweating so much my bed was drenched and I had to have my bedsheets changed 3 times in the one night. Eventually the Doctors decided they were worried it was my CVC and so it was decided I would get a CVC placed in the other side of my neck and the one I already had in would be removed.


They also wanted to give me a feeding tube, as apparently many people going through Stem Cell Transplant get mucositis, which is like ulcers in your mouth, throat, stomach making it too painful to even eat. I agreed at the behest of the nurses and dietitians even though I had been having no problem eating as of yet. Having it put in was the most painful thing I've ever experienced (and I've had a bone marrow biopsy while awake with the green whistle twice), they injected me with morphine but I didn't really find it to help the pain which was so unpleasant, within a day they had to take it back out and just hope for the best with me.


Soon the mucositis began, and I could feel that the fruit juices I was getting every day began to burn and sting as I drank them.  I tried to eat, but I found it a struggle among the nausea, diarrhea, fevers and mucositis I wasn't consuming very much. 

My hair then began to fall out and rather than wait till I was released, I asked a nurse and she shaved my head for me. 


As the fevers began to get less frequent and the diarrhea began to settle the mucositis got even worse, to the point where I was almost unable to eat. It didn't help the chemotherapy had ruined my taste buds so everything tasted awful too. The doctors tried injections of morphine as well as oxycodone pills before eating food to try and help me be able to eat, as well as milkshake like food supplements.

It got to the point where I was only able to eat 2 minute cup noodles, as they didn't seem to hurt my throat, so I had visitors bring them in to me, but as to not run out I was only eating 1 cup of noodles a day and still keeping the weight on from my constant infusions. I began to feel really weak, and run down just from my dietary input. As the doctors started talking about my release.

Upon release I would have rent free accommodation at the Quest in Bondi Junction. I was feeling so shit that I didn't believe I should be getting released. I had a test walk around with the physical therapy girl and a ride on a exercise bicycle and was told I would be getting released, but would have to travel to a local Sydpath Pathology for blood tests twice a week as well as come in for regular check ups at the Kinghorn Cancer Centre. I had my CVC taken out and was a little excited yet apprehensive about being released, but soon found myself loving the accommodation, being able to relax from the noise of buzzing and beeping.

At The Quest, Bondi Junction

I began to finally get meals, and start getting some nutrition in my body, and although my taste buds where all messed up so nothing tasted any good I believe it did my body well.

It was decided that my Wife would stay up for the first 2 weeks with me, then my Dad would stay for 2 weeks and then my Wife would return.

After my first week I was finally able to remove the bandage of the holes on my neck from my CVC.


Leading up towards the end of my Wife's stay (the Easter long weekend) I began to get incredible pain every time I went to the toilet. This pain continued for a few days before little flecks of blood began to come out. 



At first I assumed I had kidney stones but my Doctor worried it might be a virus that can stay active in your body and could be causing it. The flecks of blood soon became bigger blood clots I had to pass, and even sometimes my pee would have have blood in it. Soon I was not having to pass blood, but big mucus like globules, some as big as marbles.

Gross as fuck right? Imagine how I felt.

 The Doctors decided to re-admit me to hospital on Thursday, the day before Good Friday as they were concerned with anything going wrong over the Easter Long Weekend.

In hospital they wanted to insert a catheter into my penis so that they could clear out my bladder from any potential blockages. The Doctor tried to insert it, in what was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. My penis was like a horse penis, and not in the good large way, in the way where it wanted to retract completely inside my body (like a horses penis) out of fear. The process was painful, and ultimately unsuccessful as they couldn't get it into my bladder correctly and had to take it out (as the pain from the clots made me need to pee frequently, even though barely anything would come out).

My nutrition began to struggle again as I found the hospital food less palatable this time and struggled to eat, living off a piece of toast a day and some cans of lemonade. After an ultrasound of my bladder to check for potential blockages, they had decided that my bladder wall was shedding either due to the chemo or the virus. They decided they were not going to proactively do anything to help, so feeling annoyed with being in hospital I signed myself out, content to deal with the pain in the accommodation.

My Dad picked me up, having now swapped with my Wife and over the next few days the bleeding began to slow and eventually stop. 

Me and all my medication (I got that shirt in Finland)


My taste also began to slowly return and I tried to get out on a walk and do some exercise and spend some time in the sun. Going for a walk one day with my Dad down to Centennial Park.



My Dad found the accommodation pretty boring, so he would often go for big walks while I sat around flicking through the TV, finding a routine of watching trivia shows started with The Chase (UK), Think Tank, The Chase (Au), Mastermind, Jeopardy and the night it was on, Hard Quiz.

My Dad swapped with my Wife after his stint was done and we continued the monotony of life in the accommodation which we had began to find incredibly stifling (as my Wife had to work from home within the small confines of the accommodation). At some point during this time I had to get a Bone Marrow Biopsy done, while awake, with the green whistle. My Doctor saw my Wife and I afterwards and let me know that I had the glandular fever virus according to my blood test results, and that due to being on an immunosuppressant drug (to not get Graft vs Host Disease), my body wasn't fighting it off causing it to spread and become a type of Lymphoma. My Doctor insured us not to stress, as it is something that can occur with Stem Cell Transplants and that the counts had gone down a little so there was the chance my body would fight it off.

On the 22nd of April 2021 I was able to leave the Quest and finally return home, and 2 days later we celebrated the 2nd birthday of our gorgeous Dog.

Orla

Not long after being home my Doctor called to say they wanted me to go for a PET Scan so see about this Lymphoma. So I  travelled backup to the hospital to have a PET Scan which should the inflamed Lymph nodes throughout my body. My Doctor said they would put me on a 4 week treatment of a thing called Rituximab to fight this off, insuring me that she believed that this was all that was needed to get it under control. 



It was a pretty boring infusion, and very slow on my first treatment, increasing in speed after that, once they knew I would have no adverse reaction. While at home I focused on doing more family history stuff and binge watching Ancient Roman shows like Domina and Barbarians (and of course, Jurassic World Camp Cretaceous Season 3).

While talking about history with my Dad on the long trips up to the city we often drove past Kurnell, where James Cook first landed in Australia my Dad told me. After my third treatment with only one treatment left we stopped in at Kurnell on the way home for me to explore some local, and National History of Australia (regardless of how you feel about the history, it is still part of history).









After my forth treatment I had a following PET Scan, but was told to return to Sydney on the Thursday to see my Doctor for my results (which I was briefly told over the phone looked good) but also for my Day 100 post transplant catch up.

The night before heading up to Sydney, my stepmum called to let me know my Dad had been in a bike riding accident, having a head on collision with another cyclist, with a piece of the bike burying deep in his leg, so he was in hospital awaiting surgery.


The next day I saw my Doctor for my 100 day post transplant appointment. The doctor let me know my rituximab treatment had been successful and everything else was going well. We discussed that coming up in September I would receive all my childhood vaccinations and after that he would be happy for me to return to work. In the mean time I was told to exercise, get strong again and continue my recovery.


Now before I end my post I would like to ask people from whatever countries they belong to think about giving blood, as it can really save people's lives, but a big thing I would like to ask people to do if they can is to join a Bone Marrow Registry, which not a lot of people know about or even think about doing. If you live in Australia here is a link if you would like to register. I really recommend it as you could one day save someone's life. https://strengthtogive.org.au/register/


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Thanks for reading! - Steven

Saturday 11 April 2020

Road Trip 2009

So the world was turned upside down due to the outbreak of Covid-19. Changing the way we are all living our lives. For me, I'm in that situation where I'm still an 'essential' worker (for the time being) so still working every day. Which is both a blessing and a curse. On the curse end I am going to work 5 days a week, in a building where everyone else is either working from home, or on 'special leave', which is lonely, weird and a grind to make it through the day as I continue to work. On the bright side of that I am very lucky to still have a job, and be getting an income which, with a mortgage to pay is a huge relief.

However with the quarantine rules and self isolating many of us are doing (though I know there are people still out hiking), I decided that I would instead turn my focus to the past, much like I have done with my Euro-Trip and Kiama Coastal blogs. But instead looking back much further to 2009, after I had finished my final year of High School, and my friend group failed to organise the famed 'schoolies trip', so I instead went on a road-trip with my Dad. The idea had occurred to me before but I got my heart set on it on my brief stint as a train driver. I was also semi influenced to write it because during that time I had been reading through the works of Jack Kerouac. However, thinking back to 2009, a time before I even had a smart phone but instead owned a Nokia, and so basically have no pictures to use as a paper trail (though I can remember some things, many I forgot, and order of events was definitely one of them).

However on the Easter long weekend I decided to sort through many boxes that had been packed while I was on my trip to Europe, and had been kicked out of home. So 5 years later, actually owning a home I decided to go through them and was able to find my Learner Logbook, for on our road trip I had got my L Plates and was learning to drive a car.



However, I knew this didn't detail all the places we had been to as I could remember many more, so while tracing down our journey through Google Maps I realised this log book itself was deceitful. Hume Weir to Walwa was in fact at the end of these destinations. But also where the ones belonging at the start, as I had actually passed my L's test in the Albury side of Albury-Wondonga. While I had indeed driven the rest I had done so prior to actually receiving my L Plates as Dad was adamant I learn to drive. But I guess I will do my best to recall the journey.

My Dad had previously taken my oldest brother out on a similar road trip when he finished year 12, and I think he had similar destination plans on where to go with me, however we ended up also going to completely new spots. We first went towards the Blue Mountains to stay in Katoomba. We made our way past 'The Explorer's Tree' a little piece of Australian History, my Dad told me about as we drove. He told me that 3 explorers (William Lawson, Gregory Blaxland and William Charles Wentworth) who first successfully crossed the Blue Mountains had left it marked.

I recall driving down winding roads, through deep rainforest to where we ended up pitching out tent to sleep. Just in the scrub a little way in from the road. During our time here we went and saw the Three Sisters. We also began (but did not walk all over) The Giant Stairway, which is 998 steps cut into the side of a cliff leading down from the Three Sisters. I remember wearing jeans and being pretty unfit at the time, and to be honest at that time and place, I hadn't really wanted to be out on a road trip with Dad. I had just finished High School, and was wanting to be partying with friends, and was trying to court a girl who I had a pretty flirtatious relationship with. Looking back on my trip, I regret my mind set a lot, as I feel I wasted a lot of time worrying about missing out on things instead of enjoying where I was in life. Now stuck working all the time I would love to just head out on an adventurous road trip with my Dad. But I get that's the difference between being 18 and being 28.

I don't know exactly how long we spent in that camping spot, but we also visited and went on the scenic railway, which, at the time, was the steepest incline railway in the world. We were seated near a group of old American ladies, and I distinctively remember finding it amusing, with my juvenile mild, how the pronounced the city of 'Melbourne'.

From Katoomba we moved on to Lithgow to a new camping spot. My one memory of being here was going to a railway museum and riding along the ZigZag Railway, I remember having one arm resting up on window and having one patch of it get pretty badly sunburnt.

From here we made out way to Glen Davis, which my Dad was enthralled by. Constantly repeating how it was the largest canyon in the world, even bigger than the grand canyon. I remember being sweltering. It was ridiculously hot, and our tent wasn't too far from a public bathroom with a shower. I remember constantly leaving the tent to just shower. This was mostly due to the heat, but partially due to frequent masturbation trips. Again, I stress, I was 18. While Dad explored a nearby tip or old quarry or something that he said was infested with Snakes.

The next stop I remember, is camping at a really nice spot next to a river in Wellington and going to the local pub with Dad and having a few beers. (From here on out my Dad loved stopping in at local pubs for some beers).

We made our way to Nyngan, passing through Dubbo and stopping there at a diner for a burger. We continued along a back road (as we often took as while I was driving without a license). We passed through Warren, stopping at a local weir for a bite to eat (noting how nice the spot would have been if it had not been trashed with smashed beer bottles). As I sat in the car drinking a longneck beer, two local Aboriginal men arrived and began chatting to my Dad (who is a renowned talker), and I sat in the car getting angrier and angrier needing release, as the longneck had passed through me and I felt like I was going to die if I didn't pee. While my Dad talked to them he soon realised some of the mess had been left by these two men, as they eventually left, I slid out the car door, facing towards the car and finally peed, being in absolute agony.

We arrived at Nyngan at a campground where we backed onto a river. I remember people jet skiing and boating in it, and actually found the spot so different to the part of Australia I live in. We ate at Nyngan Bowling Club were we had Chinese food while we watched the locals use the swimming pool. As we sat in the empty club the lady who worked asked if we wanted to order before it got busy. Dad and I eyed each other in the completely empty club, finding the concept of it getting busy at lunch ludicrous.

I remember stopping at Cobar and having a look at the Miner's Heritage Park. I remember I didn't wear shoes and got massive burs stuck in my feet as I ran from the park to the car. I don't recall if we stayed in Cobar or just stopped on our way through to Louth. I had started driving my Dad's manual ute around this point, as the long roads and lack of gear changes made it easier for me to just focus on the driving aspect. We set up camp of the road again, right next to the Darling River. We went into town to the local pub for some beers. At the time I was growing my hair long as I hoped to have hair like a 'metal head', it hadn't worked out like that and was super shaggy. A local Aboriginal man named Bruce was was at the bar wanted to give me a haircut and offered to take me out the back and cut it with sheep shearers. I politely declined.
There were local showers that used water straight from the river, with warnings not to drink any of it though. I remember laying in bed that night while my Dad was asleep and using his phone to privately message the girl I mentioned earlier, and of course the messages where pretty flirtatious, if not a bit sexual (these sorts of ones I deleted from his phone so as not to be read), and only made me resent my trip even more.

As I drove from here through to Tilpa, and I believe there was a fork in the road and my Dad wanted to stop at a pub that was a little tin shack. I really didn't want to and turned the ute down the other path, not breaking or changing down gears as I turned as everything flew to one side of the car.

We passed through Wilcannia, whether we stopped or stayed there neither of us can recall, but from there we made our way to White Cliffs, as I wanted to go there in order to see an Opalised Dinosaur fossil they had found. It was apparently meant to be one of the hottest places in NSW, and as Dad tried to find a shady spot for us to pitch the tent he soon found only one location with a tiny tree with barely any leaves and we ended up staying at an Underground Hotel, because even my semi frugal father couldn't bare the thought of camping out in that heat.

We went to a local pub that night for a beer and a truckie (truck driver for you non-Australian's) came in after food. They microwaved him some prepackaged thing which I think ended up having a bit of melted plastic in it. I remember him saying he'd just eat it anyway and hope it wouldn't give him gastro. We went back to our underground hotel that I was excited to sleep in (I had wanted to back in 2001 when Dad took myself and my 3 brothers on another road trip that included Uluru, at Coober Pedy but we didn't end up staying in it). I remember it being a super relaxing sleep until early in the morning I was woke up by someone's children loudly running and yelling through the hallways.
We spent the next day lounging around in the pool.

We made our way back to Wilcannia and tried to continue out to Broken Hill, however we were hit by a pretty severe dust storm and couldn't see a thing. We ended up changed our journey and heading south where we went through Ivanhoe and Hay and somehow ended up in Albury/Wodonga. Everything in between these locations is lost. I remember stopped at a pub at one point owned by a Scottish couple, which I thought would be cool until they started going on racist diatribes about Aboriginal people. I also recall stopping in somewhere else (for the life of me I can't remember what for) and the man was pretty unfriendly until he got a pizza delivered and his eyes-widened and he became more friendly as he chowed down. (Forgetting things like this served as one of the reasons for me initially starting this blog)

I had failed my L's test twice prior to heading out on the road trip (I had passed the online test 100% every time and couldn't figure out where I was going wrong) so along the trip Dad was adamant I spend time reading over a Driving Handbook. By the time we arrived in Albury I was ready to sit the test having read through it a few times. Dad asked if I want to do it in Albury for a NSW license or in Wodonga, for a Victorian one. I chose Albury. We stayed here for a few nights and I remember being glad for a little civilisation. I went to a local movie theatre twice. Watching Paranormal Activity which I found completely disappointing, I also went to see Where the Wild Things Are, as I loved the book when I was a young boy in Primary School. I also found it disappointing.

I eventually sat for my L's and this time succeeded in passing.

Oh God it's hideous

From here we actually reach the start of my learner log book. Where we had a look at Hume Weir and made our way to Walwa.... apparently? Again, 2009, long time ago. Our next recollected location was at Charlotte's Pass. A spot I remember very clearly. We camped with the intention to walk to the top of Mount Kosciuszko. I remember there was a group of young girls, the only other people in the camp ground at night, and I my Dad went over to talk to them. I told him not to but he went anyway. They were older than I was then. Maybe their early 20's anyway I Dad ended up having a good chat with them, (I was really worried he'd scare them popping up randomly at their camp site and didn't want him to be a creep). It was absolutely freezing there, even in Summer. I ended up chucking a pair of my Dad's overalls on, on top of my clothes. We cooked up canned Spam, ate black licorice and drank many beers around the fire. The next morning we both had a bit of gastrointestinal distress. I had found a nice tree branch the was firm and went horizontal, just up from the ground. As I made myself comfortable I realised that I had not grabbed toilet paper. As I went to grab some I came back and Dad had stolen my spot.
I could barely contain it as I frantically searched for a location, eventually finding a lone standing upright rock in the middle of the valley, I semi leaned against it as the diarrhea expelled from my body. It was a wholly unpleasant experience. Big blowflies landed in it and buzzed around my face while I could do nothing but stand in fear that they would land on me. A single Kangaroo hopped on by and stopped gazing at me while all this unfolded.

Years later Spam actually posted on their Facebook account for people's first experiences eating Spam. I was more than happy to share mine.




Obviously I saved those images longer than 3 weeks ago, and at different intervals.

After all this we made our way to the start of the walk (which I did in jeans and skate shoes). Towards the start of the walk there was a lady running in some fun run, who had apparently ran all the way from Eden, and had ran through the night. My Dad told me about the origin of people doing this during fun runs (I really didn't care) and he complained that it couldn't be good for your health and was just silly. I remember my Dad recounting a story about an old friend of his. While my Dad and this man were hiking, my Dad threw an apple core into the bush. The man went and collected it, having a big go at my Dad about it being waste (my Dad didn't see the big deal, as it's organic, though I know why it is frowned upon in hiking society and don't do it myself). However this man also used to shit in the surf, right at public beaches while he surfed, which was the irony of the situation.
As we continued upwards I could feel the squishing in my bum, and felt as though I hadn't been able to thoroughly clean it (or the walking and sweat had made it all gross again). I found a small waterfall on a rock face while Dad walked ahead and lowered my pants to rinse out my bum.

As we made it towards the top we were inside huts they had for inclement weather for a rest and we ran into the girls from the camp my Dad had went over to that night. He introduced me as his son and we continued on our way. As we neared the top I was surprised that there was still some snow in December and we reached the top. Although it was the highest peak in Australia, and I do someday want to return and do it again, it wouldn't be high on my most thrilling walks list.

Dad however, bought me a pin to commemorate it, which I still have.



From here was passed somewhere near Cooma and almost ran out of fuel with a random guy giving us some fuel from his lawn mower so that we could make it to the nearest petrol station. (I have no idea why we were out that way as the next place I remember being was Bombala). We were closer to home, and all my hopes and excitement and expectation was there. There was parties and sex waiting for me (there were parties, no sex though).

I learned at Bombala that it was one of the locations considered for the parliamentary seat of Australia (ultimately it went to Canberra). I was also astonished, because for the first time in my entire life I saw a Platypus in the wild here.

We made out way to Bateman's Bay (were my Dad use to live back when he was young). I recall getting a meat lovers pizza with jalapenos from an Eagle Boys Pizza and thinking it was the nicest pizza I had ever had... the naivety.

There were many places we had been, again, lost in time to ever fading memory. I remember shooting my Dad's 22 rifle out somewhere in the middle of nowhere, I remember stopping in a town with parking in the middle of the road and not stopping in time and driving through and having to get Dad to park, (I cannot remember where this happened) and we stopped by a little creek with some Willows and cows on the field opposite us, and I remember thinking how beautiful the spot was. It sort of reminded me of the arboretum. There was also the time while travelling along a dirt road I had seen a flock of Emu's in the field opposite me, and as they turned and darted across the road I slammed on the breaks, managing to stop in time and not hit any, but because I hadn't put in the clutch Dad had a go at me to which I angrily retorted that at least I hadn't ran into all the fucking Emu's.

I know there was some recorded video footage, on a tape somewhere I might find one day and convert to place in here (whenever this corona-virus apocalypse world ends).


Update! Found the lost video footage: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XfTrMJMQ13Q&t=6s


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Thanks for reading! - Steven








Extra tidbits! - ROAD TRIP 2010

While studying Screen and Media at Tafe, one week night my friend Nathan had picked up another friend Jake, and myself and we had driven in to Wollongong Lighthouse in his car that he had dubbed 'Lucy'.
We were laughing and having fun and we joked about going onto a road trip to Melbourne. It was almost 10pm and we decided, let's go now. So we started driving. We joked about how ridiculous it was, and we laughed, and we made our way down the coast. We smoked cigars and we talked about girls, and we talked about random apocalypse survival, and if you could only eat one meal again for the rest of your life what would it be. Nathan was on his Red P's so more than 1 person in the car with him after 11pm would have lost him his license, so with Jake and I in the back after 11 we took it in turns ducking as cars came past. We were young, dumb, reckless and living our lives. A complete contrast to me now, an avid anti-smoker, follow the rules sort of guy.
It was wild and insane. We had our first stop at Ulladulla where we started doubting ourselves. We stopped in a McDonald's and I bought myself an iced coffee to stay awake.
Nathan in particular questioned whether we should push on (as he had the most to lose) and ultimately we continued down the coast, taking the long winding away (avoiding main roads, and police).


We continued along coaxing each other into smoking more cigars by quoting the segment from family guy with the 'subliminal messaging' telling people to smoke.

By the time we made it to Bega we stopped to get out of the car for some fresh air and a stretch. A local bakery was open and we chatted to a young guy just starting his shift who thought what we were doing was hilarious.


We continued south, with the idea getting more and more ridiculous the more we went on, but by the time we were reaching Eden, we were adamant we would at least reach the Victorian border.


We started through forest roads and the border seemed like it was taking forever. With nothing but signs says Orbost was up ahead. We started ranting and raving in sleep depraved lunacy about Orbost. "Fucking Orbost!" Jake would scream in the car next to me.

Finally we saw the Victorian border pulling up the car in crazed excitement and videoing the occasion.


We decided to head home and as dawn came and the sun came up we were all in need or rest, Nathan in particular as he had been driving. He pulled up for a little quick rest before we continued back and both Jake and I instantly fell asleep. I was soon woken up by a call from another friend, Stuart who was wondering if I was going to end up coming to TAFE that day, I told him the situation (I lately found out my favourite writing teacher Judex had been upset that I did not attend, although it did make for a blog, so there's that?) we continued on a highway shortcut that also took us through the ACT and at one point I watched as a truck came on to our side of the road heading right towards us before changing back into it's right lane again. The other guys were too tired and hadn't even noticed but I realised the truck driver must have been just as tired as them, but still the idea that we could have died then and there awoke me.

We made it home, accomplishing nothing much other than in-jokes about Orbost and a closer bond as friends. I don't see much of old friends anymore. I barely speak to these two guys in fact. But I have more than my fair share of fond memories. Dumb memories. But sometimes I still miss it. The simple life, the crazy life. I think that's why when I read something like a book by Jack Kerouac. Which is so honest in all their short comings, failures, faults, insecurities, I can't help but feel like, in someways, I definitely understand.




Saturday 8 February 2020

Belmore Falls

So it has been a crazy few months since my last post. A roller-coaster of events that have delayed me writing, and hiking. So I will go into some information on it for those interested in my life, but for those not I have highlighted where the hike starts from if you don't wish to read about my life.
After my Dad's fall while rock climbing I intended to keep at it and start again with him once he had healed (he has been pestering me to go, but at the same time he refuses to go when it's too hot, and it's Summer). However I was just falling into a good rhythm in my work place, and my Wife and I had just purchased our first home, when a job I had applied for almost 2 years prior finally got back to me offering the position. I had went for this job while I was a casual as I wanted to progress forward with life. To clarify the job I went for was one of being a Train Driver for Sydney Trains. We had a serious thought about it, and although I loved my job and workplace the money was too good to turn down, so I gave me workplace my notice, and soon began my training as a Trainee Train Driver.

The course was pretty full on, as I knew absolutely nothing about trains or the railway, and I soon found traveling into Sydney and back everyday incredibly taxing, my life was pretty much consisting of getting up, going in to work, coming home quickly eating and showering and going to bed. There was no free time or life in between. My Wife also found it difficult as she was working full time to finish work, make sure dinner was ready by the time I got home so I could eat and go to sleep. Needless to say I wasn't really enjoying it, and it didn't help that I had no passion for the job, although I was in a class with some pretty good guys, who I was lucky to meet. I decided not long in that I had made a mistake and had called up my old work and tried to set in motion plans to return. However as I had actually resigned this was harder to do. So I had to keep studying and passing tests to stay as a train driver in case I was unable to return to my previous role.

My Wife has wanted a Dog for years so while I was at the trains one day we went to the RSPCA and came home with a new addition to our family.


We brought our little puppy home and tried to name her saying names and seeing which she responded to. She ended up coming when we called Orla (Irish: Golden Princess).


This helped us both feel happy, but it was very hard being away from her so long as I would pretty much only see her on weekends. We tried taking her out to to many places such as doing the Kiama Coastal Walk with her, going around Lake Illawarra or to Blackbutt Forest. We even ended up making her a instagram to chronicle her adventures. Finally I got the option to come back to my previous job, however as I had resigned I would be working in the role casually and would have to reapply, and even go for the job interview again, putting our home, and mortgage at risk. My Wife agreed it was worth it to just have that time together and so a bit before 2 months I had left Sydney Trains and was back in my previous role as a casual with no sick leave or flexi time.
I spent my weekends with my Wife and "Daughter" or "Fur Baby". Yes we're one of those couples who our Dog knows and actually responds to as Mum and Dad.


The rest of the year just seemed to skyrocket past, my interview soon came up and I began my role as a full time employee again and I kept saying I wanted to get out and hike and continue writing but every time something came up, overtime, weekend shifts, I applied for another season of Australian Survivor (that I more than likely will not get on) and then soon the bush-fires hit. Utterly devastating much of Australia. The air was thick with smoke and it was just uncomfortable to even go outside. The politics began, with arguments from people on each side of the political spectrum. Christmas came around, where we actually splurged a little (we usually save money for bills and an eventual trip to Japan) and bought ourselves a Nintendo Switch and The Legend of Zelda: Breath of the Wild, which hasn't helped me get out hiking either.



Then New Year came around, and now it is 2020, we've had a little bit of rain but the bush-fires are still going in many areas while some places begin work to recover.

I finally set my mind that it was time to do a new hike and I was going to hit up my friend Tristan to go with me, then on January the 17th in the morning at work I had a call from my Wife. I answered the phone.
"My Dad was attacked by a Shark."
The shock set in. I soon found out he had been attacked near Windang, right near my Dad's accident.




Lucky both situations ended up mostly ok, my Father in Law has to wear a cast and keep his foot elevated for the next 8 weeks before he can begin physio therapy and hopefully all will work out well. We bought him a get well gift to cheer him up.



After all that I finally messaged Tristan a date and a location, adamant to get back into the habit of adventures and writing, telling him that we would walk:

Belmore Falls

We picked a date that suited us both, the 1st of February, and we locked it in. Coming up to the day all the weather predictions estimated that it would be a really hot day, reaching the 40's or mid 40's (Celsius). Still determined we decided to brace it. While arranging it Tristan told me he needed to stop for coffee on the way, telling me we could stop in at Bean Roasted at Calderwood.

Finally on the morning of, I set my alarm to wake me up early in the morning, both decided to try and get there earlier to beat the rush if lots of people decided to go. I woke up, but we didn't end up leaving as early as planned as I was delayed with diarrhea. I explained to Tristan that I wasn't sure if it was because I had woken up early, if it was because of my double shot coffee first thing in the morning, my jalapeño pizza for dinner the night before, or the numerous margaritas I had also drank along with my pizza.
He laughed that it was probably a combination of the 4 of them as I picked him up and we began driving towards Macquarie Pass and the Southern Highlands.
As we stopped in at bean roasted we weren't sure if it was actually open, seeing it was Tristan asked if I wanted anything. I had already had a double shot but began removing sand from my joggers from whenever I had worn them last as he ordered his coffee. A small book stand was outside the coffee shop and I saw Tristan looking through them.


I turned on my mobile data and saw he'd sent me a photo of the page he had been looking at.


Finally with a coffee in his hand and some banana bread to we began driving past the beautiful green pastures on our way towards Macquarie Pass. I commented that I always loved the scenery driving out this way ever since I was a kid. He commented that he was sick of it, because he had to drive this way up the pass each day.
We began our way winding along the road while Tristan commented that it was nice to not be the driver for once as he could actually appreciate the scenery.

As we reached Robertson I saw a sign pointing towards Belmore Falls to our left.
"Should I turn here?" I asked.
"No, it's not that way." Tristan said.
"But the sign says-"
"It's a car park." He informed me, saying when he'd been with an ex to Belmore he had tried to turn into the same spot.
We took the next left and a right turn after crossing some train tracks.

We soon began driving along an unsealed road, that became incredibly corrugated and bumpy, and in my little car I really had to go slow, Tristan commented that my car was going to fall apart. I told him it's exactly the same heading out to Pigeon House or The Castle.


We soon arrived in the empty car park.

"At least we're the only ones here." I said, turning off the air conditioned car and stepping out into the heat, the hot dry wind strongly blowing.



There was a small dirt path through the bush leading over to a walkway with a metal railing, which we proceeded to, telling Tristan I wanted to walk to Hindmarsh Lookout once we got back. He sighed, relatively unenthusiastic, telling me it's just a lookout. I was adamant saying if I had some all this way I would do all parts of the walk.


Hitting the rail I asked Tristan if he remembered which way. He didn't respond and started walking to his left for a while as I followed, finally he laughed "Oh good this is the right way."


To his right there was a sign just down from the rail saying no access beyond this point, with the 'no' scratched off by one of the many visitors.


"I didn't realise you weren't meant to go there". I said to Tristan. "Why is it forbidden, it's not even a hard walk is it?" I asked.
"No, someone must have been injured once, and I think it might also technically be private property." he said, sounding unsure. "Everyone goes though", he reiterated, "you're not going to get in trouble dude."



We started down some stair before finding ourselves at a rocky outcrop that we climbed up for a good view over the valley.




We continued down the path alongside the cliff wall, coming to another sign telling us the track is closed penalties apply.


"They seem to be making a big deal about it. Like, surely jump rock is more dangerous." I said wondering how this walk would compare to Gerringong Falls, which the search for led me and my Dad sliding on loose topsoil down the side of a cliff.

We continued down an old set of stairs before finally coming to a long winding dirt path with the way clearly visible from frequent use.

Photo taken from the bottom





We talked a lot on the way, about work, our lives, the bush fires and the incredibly hot temperature. Tristan mentioned about how there could be Tiger Snakes about, "Great." I said, telling him I was now paranoid about Snakes. I found myself very surprised about how easy the walk was, with only a couple of things to step over or duck under every now and again.




I stopped walking, pointing out to Tristan that there was a water dragon standing right in front of us. There were later at least 4 more right on the trail as we continued along, running from the path when we decided to proceed past them.


The hardest part of the walk so far was maybe stepping over a tree trunk, but it was so good to just be outside, and going somewhere new and it was nice to have a feeling of jollity, even the increasing heat couldn't dampen my spirits.

We soon came upon a a native Holly that I wanted to get a photo of, but the hot breeze kept blowing and my phone takes pretty awful quality photos as it is. Tristan, true to his bush regenerator title began telling me that it was native holly, and explaining stuff about it. I told him I knew it was native and I had seen it before while hiking up to Monolith Valley.

Me looking in the valley.
Tristan: "Stand closer to the edge it'll make a cooler photo."
Me: "No, I don't want to be one of those fuckwits who dies taking a selfie"

The trail began to begin downhill a bit more and we started going through a section that felt much more like a rainforest than before. With a clearer view of the falls as we made our way closer.





As we reached this section we felt the relief of the shade, which lucky due to the intense heat didn't feel humid as all but cooled us from the sun.


As we rounded a few more bends I could see we were very near the falls. I commented to Tristan that it wasn't long at all, or difficult and I couldn't for the life of me figure out why it was prohibited.


For the first time in the entire walk the path split in to two separate tracks. One going down, and one continuing up.

"Which way do we go?" I asked.
He said it didn't matter that they both just end up at the opening off the falls as he quickly moved his way down the lower path, I continued behind him.




We stepped down, into the clearing for our first view of the falls, scarcely flowing due to the intense heat of the last few months as well as severe lack of rain.



We wandered to the edge of the falls to out left having a look down. I wondered if we would be able to get down there.



We turned to our right and headed to Belmore Falls.


Coming up to the pool at the base of the falls I noticed a rock with tyre imprints.


Climbing up a noticed a little tiny indent in one of the rocks filled with water. I snapped a photo and told Tristan it was the mini Figure 8 Pools.


We stood just standing and admiring all that was around us. Cold air flew from the waterfalls and along the pool washing over us cooling us down.



As we scrambled over some rocks to go sit by the waterfall I noticed the tyres that I assume at some point in time left the imprints in the rock.


We sat and drank, just silently looking around. I took out a chocolate chip pumpkin cookie my wife had baked and offered Tristan one.
"I don't like chocolate dude."
I had completely forgotten he didn't like chocolate having packed extra for him telling my wife he would definitely like them and he wouldn't mind the pumpkin. I told him I felt like a bad friend for forgetting and he told me to just tell my wife that he thought they were delicious (I just told her the truth).

Tristan began saying he was keen to go in, as he had been here twice previously with two different girls and hadn't had the opportunity to swim. I was debating on whether or not I would go in, thinking I probably should while I was there but remembering the chafe of walking back from a swim after Gerringong Falls and Kangaroo River.

As Tristan removed his shirt ready to jump in I turned away as I was going to climb up and stand under the falls. Suddenly there was a huge crashing sound and I turned around. Tristan was looking back a the fall too.

"What was that?"I asked.
"I think a tree fell, or some dickhead is throwing shit off from the top."
He pointed out what looked from where we were to be a perfectly cut log of wood. We waited a while and listened for sounds of people above us. Tristan began to get a little nervous about going in, because he evidently didn't like the thought of being struck by a falling object and dying.

Eventually he made the decision to hop in while I was still undecided. He yelled about it being cold as he walked in before just taking the plunge.


Bashful me, leaving my shirt on

After he was done swimming we walked up to where the waterfall was crashing, Tristan was ahead and quickly turned away. Saying there was a dead animal. I walked over for a look, and sure enough right there in the flow of the water, stuck between some rocks was the decaying corpse of a Wombat.


It took a moment, but I looked at Tristan and said "And you swam in it!" He had a look of disgust on his face, and said he hoped he wouldn't die of e.coli. We both laughed and I told him I had made up my mind that I wouldn't swim. We decided to walk around to the opposite side as it looked like someone had drawn a large Kangaroo on the rocks out of mud. As we made our way around we spotted another decaying Wombat, this time down at the edge of the pool and I told Tristan I hope he didn't get sick. He commented that they didn't smell so that was in his favour.


We made our way up to the Kangaroo, and I climbed up a small bit of rock. Tristan tried to follow, stopping and looked at it asking "How the hell did you get up there?" I pointed out a few little grooves in the rock and he quickly made it up, commenting that it was good he'd been going to indoor bouldering with me.


I commented that the Kangaroo was actually really well done, considering I don't really like when people draw, carve or leave things in spot I had to admire the fact it looked pretty cool.


We continued around and Tristan suddenly asked me. "You're not spiritual are you?"

I paused for a second, before telling him that I was in nature, and that's where I felt some semblance of spirituality. I then began to explain to him about the Ancient Celtic Nemeton or 'Sacred Grove', telling him there were certain particular spots withing nature that I felt more spiritual.

"Like this place?" He said gazing around.
"Exactly."

He soon walked over pulling out an invasive weed; Crofton weed, or Mexican devil, explaining about how he had been working on trying to remove it from around this location.



We began to head back to our bags when I noticed a perfectly round rock sitting in a hole. I commented to Tristan that I felt like if I lifted it up, a Korok would appear. He didn't get the reference.


As we were making our way down the first group of visitors turned up, and I let them know about the decaying Wombats. Tristan and I sat at our bags, enjoying the view before we would try and make our way down the valley for some exploring. The group sat near us and talked and Tristan asked if they would still go in. "We didn't come all this way for nothing." They said and Tristan turned to me. "See?" He said.
"See ya fellas." I said and we made our way, back to the edge of the lower cliff and followed a set of stairs upwards on our right, right across from the side of the clearing we had entered from.


From up here we found that the path was way less traveled and we soon came to a smooth stone slope heading down that we followed, realising that from here there was no obvious path.


We slowly waddled down the smooth stone and we no clear path just continued making our way down through the scrub hoping we wouldn't get lost.

We kept an eye our for ways that looked like paths you could take, though there was no trail, at one point I froze thinking I saw a python hanging from a tree but it was just vines on a tree behind another tree giving the illusion of stripes. I told Tristan it was his fault for putting snake paranoia in my head.


We made it to the bed of the river and I hopped over a few rocks thinking we had reached the base of the spot we had looked down from the first Belmore Falls clearing.


I turned around and noticed Tristan sitting down. We had a quick drink and continued around to find the base we had reached was not the one directly down from the falls, so we must have been further down.


Tristan really thought the cave was cool however we had to backtrack a little bit to be able to reach the other side and have a look in what he dubbed 'The Rape Cave'.
As we made our way to it I told him I could hear 'Dueling Banjos' playing in my head as I stepped over an old abandoned pair of shorts that didn't help the whole Deliverance vibe.

We walked over a bunch of black stones discussing what they were before acknowledging neither of us has an geology knowledge whatsoever.


The cave was shallow and not deep and filled with large numbers of insects. We began our way back content to get to the top and finish the walk as the days heat just continued to increase.

We took a whole new way directly alongside the edge and made our way back up along the dirt slope.


At one point Tristan got a wrong hold and a couple of rocks began flying past him from the cliff side. We powered our way up, grabbing any hold we could, climbing up a little cut in the cliff face, that brought us just down from the base of the smooth sloped rock.


As we looked up we noticed a giant stone column right in front of us that we hadn't noticed on our way down (though we can see from the valley view photos where that section was).

We soon made it back to Belmore Falls and gave a last look at the falls from the distance as a new couple was just arriving. We made our way back along the path before I took an alternate route, asking Tristan if this would be another track that would just loop back in. He didn't think it was, but I had started on it and wanted to follow it along. Tristan was really feeling the heat by this point and was pretty keen to get back to the car and get to Robertson for a drink and some food.
 I reached a blackened stump that came to a dead end, before telling Tristan in a fake sad voice that I didn't think it was the way. He groaned and said he told me so.


I could hear voices of more people coming down I pointed along the cliff face saying the path mustn't be much further along. As I spoke I realised the voice was coming from a bit further up then me and two guys came climbing down the cliff face shirtless. "Oh look, we can climb up here." I said to Tristan who was hot and flushed and didn't look in the mood to climb.
"Much further to the car park?" I asked the two guys.
"Nah it's just up this bit and you follow the path for a bit and you're there." One of them replied.
"Is it much further down? This fucking retard came wearing thongs!" One said to me while the other responded he didn't realise it would involve scrambling.
"You could of come the easy way." I said, informing them of the path we took down while convincing Tristan that climbing up this way would be fun.



I looked back at Tristan telling him how lucky we were to find this new path. Saying this was the fun way. "This is not the fun way." He replied, grumpy from the heat.

As we finished the climb we ran into another guy making his way down. We began along a winding dirt path and any coolness from the valley was gone, and the heat was blistering. I powered up the hill eager to reach the top before looking behind me and noticing Tristan was gone. I called out to him a few times and had no response. Panic set in a little due the worry after my Dad's rock climbing accident and I hurried back down to find him hunched over a tree.
"You alright man?" I had to ask a few times before he told me he just needed a breather and he was overheating and starting to spin out. I told him to have some water an he informed me he had drank it all. I offered him some of mine, but he old me he found that gross, which I didn't disagree with but in these situations I was willing to share. He stood up and began his way up the hill.

We came to a gap that lead to the road and I commented that we still had to go to Hindmarsh Lookout.



As we continued around we came to a car park and I said "Shit my car is gone". Tristan was quick to point out it was a different car park and we followed the road along, going past Hindmarsh Lookout on our way, as I said to Tristan it was fortunate we found the alternate route cause we got to have that extra adventure and pass the Lookout on our way back anyway.




We continued along the railing until we came to the right car park. We cranked the air conditioning and I realised I had a bottle of water I hadn't drank from (That I quickly finished) before going for the drive out over the top of the falls on our way to Robertson to get a pie and a drink.


As we made our way back to Robertson past the beautiful farm land I asked Tristan where we were going for this pie. Southern Rise Bakery he told me, and we began discussing how terrible the pies were at Robertson Pie shop and discussed our favourite pie places. He gave me a list of his favourite as he had been trying many of them since he began working in the Southern Highlands.

His list of 5 favourites were:
1. Stones in Berrima
2. Flower Water Salt in Berrima
3. Gumnut Patisserie in Mittagong
4. Southern Rise Bakery in Robertson
5. Jumping Rock Cafe in Bundanoon

We stopped in for our pies and sat on the gutter on the side of the road in the shade of a tree, looking at an old Church while we ate. After finishing as we drove along I decided I wanted a photo with the Big Potato. I said that I had driven past in hundreds of times and never actually got out to have a look at it, so I was determined. We pulled up and walked over for it, discussing how many of the 'Big Things' we had actually ever seen. I told Tristan I wanted a touristy photo with it, because I find living locally you neglect local tourist things that if you lived a bit further away you would probably be enthusiastic about.

Side note: my Irish Ancestor 'Mary-Ann Lally' came to Australia as an Orphan due to Gorta Mór or the 'Irish Potato Famine'

We made our way home, keen for a nice cold shower, content with our adventure but already looking to the future for our next one, while I looked forward to the opportunity to begin writing again, after a long hiatus.


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Thanks for reading! - Steven