Honeymoon to Bali

So I recently got Married!

My Wife and I

So we leading up to our wedding we were trying to decide on a Holiday. Our original plan was Machu Picchu and the Amazon, however with all the stress of planning and organising the wedding we decided we wanted a holiday where we could not only have fun, but relax, a stress free holiday. As I had previously been to Bali and my Wife had not, we decided to go there so she could share in some of the adventures I'd had but she had missed out on. Also, Bali is a cheap holiday and as we saving to buy a home this also was convenient.
So after our Wedding Day, we had a day to pack and left for Bali the day after that. We didn't take packed luggage, only carry on, as this again made the flights cheaper. Previously when I flew to Bali I went with Virgin, which I had complained gave you no food and no entertainment. This time we went with Jetstar, which, was exactly the same. Not even a complimentary coffee. I guess you get what you pay for. On the flight over just behind us and to our left we had a loudmouth obnoxious girl giggling and carrying on, ordering drink after drink until she was throwing up on the plane. Yet another reminder about why I hate flights.
We finally arrived in Bali at night time and had to find our way to the Taxi counter which our hotel had told us had the monopoly of the airport taxis, all the while having many different taxi drivers chasing us around trying to get us to go with them, it was incredibly full on and confronting especially feeling tired after the flight. We eventually found the taxi stand and traveled to our hotel to check in.
We soon checked into our room, which, while not a bad room, overlooked the streets of Kuta instead of the inside of our hotel and the pool, as my room had last time (I stayed in the same spot as I knew the area). This was incredibly loud and it was very late at night and we knew we wouldn't be able to sleep. My Wife was very upset, so I went down and asked if we were able to change rooms. They said they'd have to see what they could do and asked if we could stay there the night. We did this, and barely slept over the loud honking of taxis into the early hours of the morning followed by the crowing of a Rooster close by.
After discussing it, we decided if we were unable to change rooms, and if they wouldn't offer a refund we would leave regardless and go elsewhere as it wouldn't be much of a Honeymoon not sleeping and feeling tired all the time. However they were able to change our room which worked out well as we now had a nice balcony overlooking the pool with the beautiful frangipani's growing around it. We had our buffet breakfast downstairs and my wife got to try her first Snakeskin fruit, or Salak, which opens into a fruit that sort of looks like garlic gloves, is very slimy, has a similar texture to Garlic cloves too, but the taste is more like a sweet cinnamon.

We then went to explore the streets, quickly ducking into a local shop to buy some Yakult to take every morning just to protect against the dreaded 'Bali Belly'. We then went to what my Wife had looked up and said was a Turtle Sanctuary along Kuta beach. As they sometimes released them into the beach and you could watch. There was a giant Turtle Statue out the front of this place but there seemed to be no one here, like an empty building. The sun was beginning to burn my very pale wife (she got sunburned in Scotland, in November), so we set out looking to find a hat. We entered the nearby discovery mall, however all the prices there were ridiculously high, especially for a hat, which she didn't like any of them anyway. We stopped at a cheap bakery in the Mall for some lunch, and went along the main street stalls looking for a hat.
Now, many people go to Bali for the shopping, they love all the bartering and playing the game. I however, hate it. I hate the calling into the stall saying everything is $5 and then trying to charge you $30 for it and having to barter it down, with them refusing to go lower until you go to leave the stall. I hate that shit. It's not fun, it's severely irritating and time consuming. But finally we found her a hat and a pair of Bali pants with Elephants on them and agreed not to barter anymore.
We returned to check out the Turtle Sanctuary and there were two Americans standing at the door. We walked over and he said "there's Turtles"and there were just inside in a little tub. However there was no one else around.

Yup, Turtles

We then returned to the Mall which seemed to be the only place to buy sunscreen, we got the Caribbean Breeze 50spf, and I just have to say it worked great. We didn't get burnt once (while wearing it) and we wish we could get it back here in Australia (well, we can for like $40 but it was $19 in Bali) as the sunscreen here really doesn't feel like it works. We also purchased some delicious purple Dragonfruit to eat, which again was nicer than you'd get from a store in Australia. We then retired to the hotel for the rest of the day and enjoyed a few drinks.

It's fucking humid in Bali. Better quench my thrist

The next day we got picked up in the morning to go to Bali Safari and Marine Park, that I also went to last time I was in Bali, however my Wife LOVES Zoos and animals and after hearing how good it was she had to go. We had already purchased our tickets before heading to Bali (we got them last minute as we wanted to make sure Mount Agung didn't erupt) and my Wife purchased us the Rhino Package, so we did it the fancy way. Again, we still had a great time at the Zoo. Last time I was there I got to hold the Orangutan, however they've moved away from this instead just getting in a photo with it which I think is much better for the animal to be honest.

We also got to get a photo with a Binturong. Which is the cutest little thing ever. Here he is sniffing my armpit.

I wanted to take him home with me. We continued around the Zoo catching the shows, getting photos with a Snake until eventually it was time for us to ride the Elephants, something I hadn't done last time but was included in the Rhino Package. As we arrived to do it we were told we got a free drink from the nearby eatery. We choose to get a coconut each which ended up being massive. I actually struggled to finish it all, but both my Wife and I love fresh coconut. However the packaged coconut water makes us both feel sick so it's very rare that we get to enjoy coconut. Heading down to ride the Elephant we were given large rice field type hats to wear. As we were standing waiting to hop on I noticed a sign requesting us to not tip the workers. However towards the end of our ride, the man taking us asked if we wanted some photos for a tip, so he hoped off and took a bunch of photos for us with just us two on the Elephant. That's typical Bali for you. However soon after riding the Elephant I began thinking about something I had heard about Elephant riding, about how you shouldn't do it because the Elephants were mistreated or something and how Trip Advisor (or someone else, like I said, it's a vague memory) wouldn't show places that did it anymore. However the Zoo is on Trip Advisor and one lady asked about the Elephants holes in their ears to which the man said they were 'rescues'. This plagued my mind a bit because I wasn't sure about the ethics of the thing I had just done. I had previously been Horse Riding with my Wife and struggled to control the horse, mainly because I wouldn't hit it's sides hard enough because I didn't want to hurt it. To which I was told they have really strong hides or something and it takes a lot of force to hurt them and that doing hard was just so they could actually feel you doing it. Whether this is true or not or just something they tell you to make you think it's ok I don't know. I haven't yet looked into the Elephant thing either, as I already feel ethically shitty about my last trip to Bali where I swam with Dolphins. Honestly, in my mind I thought I'd be at some beach things with Dolphins but I arrived at this dodgy area with a swimming pool and couldn't really tell the animals weren't happy. I was 21 at the time I went and it was booked and paid for for me, but I feel really terrible about that whole experience now, even looking back at my past blog and I guess being older and knowing more about the world I bring it up so tourists travelling actually look into things first and think about it before doing them. I'm still not sure about the Elephants, it was an amazing experience and they are beautiful animals and I honestly don't have the heart to look more into it, but if it raises awareness for someone reading this to maybe think before they do, (even if it is ok) that's a good thing then.
We then had a huge lunch provided right next to a glass window watching the Lions outside before we headed out to explore the rest of the Zoo.

The next day we had a little bit of a sleep in before waking up for breakfast, and hung out in our hotel room on our phones looking for some activities to do, as we really hadn't had the chance to plan or book anything leading up to the wedding. Coming up with a few things to do and starting to plan out our time in Bali, we decided to walk the street investigating the restaurants around and planning which ones to eat dinner at, we went shopping and bought some interesting foods and drinks I purchased a Bird's Nest drink which I had heard of watching Bizzare Food's with Andrew Zimmern. However it was artificially flavoured. We also bought some Durian Lollys to try (and bring home). I had previously eaten Durian and assumed the lolly might be nicer.

The next day we caught a taxi our to Seminyak with the intention of doing an Escape Room, called Totem Escape Room. We hunted around for it and were unable to find it, as the location didn't save on google maps and I couldn't access my internet (foreign country, didn't want to use mobile data and get charged a heap). So we stopped at Seminyak Square for a Lime and Guava Donut, and then proceeded to another section to a restaurant called 'Man Frydays' where my wife got a Madras which was the second mildest curry and I got a Tindaloo, the hottest (I'm big on my spicy food). Even my wifes Madras was ridiculously spicy, and my Tindaloo was the hottest meal I've eaten (that wasn't part of a chilli eating competition) we both took about an hour and a half to eat them as we dripped with sweat. Staff even came over and offered us complimentary iced tea, and refused a tip after we had finished!

After enduring this (although the food was absolutely beautiful) we finally found the Totem Escape Room that led you down some back alley with all Polaroids of tourists on the wall, honestly it looked like some sort of torture dungeon. After reading a sign that said we had to remove our shoes to do it, we decided we wouldn't bother, and we'd do a different escape room as it looked a bit dodgy. We then walked from Seminyak back to Kuta in the rain with our stomachs absolutely burning from the Curry. We stopped into a local supermarket and I stocked up on some beer as well as buying an Indonesian Guinness (I love a good Stout!). When we got back to the hotel we got changed and hopped into the pool for a swim to cool off, which was super refreshing. That night we booked in for a different Escape Room that was in Kuta, called Pandora Escape Room and looked a lot less dodgy.

The next day we took a taxi out and got to Pandora Escape Room where we did the El Dorado room. When we first entered we struggled to figure out what to do. Eventually we began to start figuring things out and got into the rhythm of it. It was a very elaborate set up climbing through things, running back and forth it actually felt like exploring a real dungeon, which I loved. After finishing the room we were thrilled and wanted to do another right away. We were told in half an hour we could do the Area 51 room and went for a walk down the road for lunch at Bali Bakery. We returned to do the Area 51 room, which had some good puzzles, while other were a bit abstract and really involved doing dumb illogical things that you really wouldn't think to do, however the physicality of the room was fun, finding air vents to crawl through and such. After finishing (and feel slightly disappointed as the El Dorado room had been more fun) we got a Taxi to the supermarket again, and got some Rambutan for my wife to try, we returned to our room to eat some Rambutan and I tried my Bird's Nest drink which was very sweet. For dinner we went up the road to a restaurant called Gabah Restaurant and Bar. We got the Nasi Tumpeng which came with a taste of a lot of various things, along with four varieties of sambal. We also each got a cocktail and a dessert, where we got the Jaja Lempog and the Kuih Kaca Mata. If there's a reason to go to Bali it's for the food alone which is all amazingly flavoursome.

The next day we took another restful day to relax and enjoy our Honeymoon. We tried the Soursop juice we had purchased previously as well and trying a Iced Thai Tea and Iced Thai Coffee from the mall (both were amazing). We went for a walk along the beach while we drank them decided to come back at watch the Sunset over the beach which I had seen last time I came to Bali but living on the East Coast of Australia my wife had never seen. We also decided to give the 5D place out the front of the mall ago, sitting in chairs with 3D glasses on while the chairs shake you around and spray water on you and make you feel like you're on a rollercoaster, it was pretty fun for $5. We then went back to our hotel where Pandora Escape Room had posted a code to solve for the chance to get a free ticket for the Escape Room. This was really difficult to work out without using a pen and paper, and although I made notes on my phone I was unable to beat my wife who solved it first posting the answer underneath on Facebook we waited until the announcement day to see if she got it for free.

Lines = 21 

That night we headed for a walk along the beach waiting for the sun to set.

Oh hey, a Sunset

We then headed nearby to try out some American Cuisine at the local A&W. Where I tried my first ever Root Beer Float. Which is similar to the Australian 'Spider', except nicer, as Spiders are shit. I don't know if it's the type of soft drink we use, or the fact we use ice cream rather than soft serve, or perhaps both? But the root beer float was really nice and I ended up having 3 the entire time in Bali.

The next day was our White Water Rafting. We had been told we would be messaged with the details of our driver at 7am that morning so we'd know who he was and that he would come between 8am and quarter past. While we sat eating our breakfast our driver turned up at 7:30am and we were yet to receive an email. We rushed upstairs to get changed feeling a little frustrated. Soon we began the drive to the rafting, almost at our destination the driver informed us that we were early. Asking if we wanted to stop for coffee. Assuming, he wanted a coffee as it was early, I told him 'Yeah if you need one, we don't mind". Soon we were pulling in to a coffee plantation, where the van door was thrust open and next we knew it were we suddenly been taken on a coffee plantation tour, which was not part of the rafting's itinerary. I had been to coffee plantation on my previous trip to Bali. This time again the same thing happened, which was annoying as we had booked a tour for the next day that included a coffee plantation in it. My Wife doesn't like coffee, so I enjoyed trying all the coffee's and all the teas as well (my wife liked the teas). However once again seeing the Civet Cats locked up in tiny cages made me sad. Soon the man was trying to get us to buy Kopi Luwak, when I informed him I had no money he said I could pay the driver back at the hotel. As both my wife and I were feeling uncomfortable because this was not part of our tour (and we were unsure about the driver) I agreed to get the Kopi Luwak just as a precaution to make sure we got back to our hotel safe (Knowing it would be cheaper than buying any tea or coffee from their store after). However, for someone new going to Bali, I want you to know that Kopi Luwak is a complete fucking scam. The whole idea behind it is the Civet Cats only eat the best coffee beans so the coffee you're drinking is of better quality. However these Civets are kept in tiny cages and fed any fucking coffee that they have to eat. It's Kopi Luwak in name only. It's really just coffee that's been shit out. If you want real Kopi Luwak make sure it's from FREE RANGE Civet Cats. Soon the man was trying to pressure us to buy his teas and coffee's. I told him we couldn't take them back on the plane and he was saying we could and just to hide them... We left without buying it, feeling frustrated that I had had to waste $5 on a coffee I didn't want. We soon arrived for our rafting experience on the Telaga Waja.

The scenery up here was absolutely beautiful.

It was a fun day. The White Water Rafting wasn't extreme, and I don't know if I would even really call it White Water Rafting, it was more like paddling down a river in a blow up boat. Very safe, but still fun and the scenery was spectacular. At the end we arrived at a little farm where we were provided with so much food that we were stuffed full, all of it delicious.

The next day we were picked up for our tour which we booked through a guy recommended to us over Facebook by a girl we went to school with. The tour was meant to include Taneh Lot, a coffee plantation, Bali Cultural Park, 2 beaches, and Uluwatu Temple. They day started well as we took the long drive out to Taneh Lot. Which I was excited for. Although looking at the temple was cool, there really wasn't a whole lot to see or do here and it was mostly market stalls.

After leaving our driver asked if we wished to get coffee, I informed him we had already been (really not needing, or wanting to go again). So I assumed we were heading towards the cultural park. After a while of driving he asked if we were hungry and wanted lunch. I said I wasn't really that hungry. He asked again if we wanted lunch now or after the beach. Assuming the cultural park was later I said we'd eat after the beach as I wasn't very hungry, I was also aware and on edge of getting ripped off, feeling like he'd take us to some tourist trap and make a cut for doing so. Maybe I was so on edge after our ordeal in Suva, Fiji, I don't know but I thought if there was food along the beach we could sneakily eat there. However before going to the beach we rocked up at some restaurant he claimed 'all the Indonesians eat at'. Before the car had even stopped people where opening our doors and taking us inside to a place absolutely packed with tourists. Looking at the price of the menu and starting to feel really angry and annoyed I my wife and I left without buying a thing. Coming back to the car not 2 minutes later Ketut asked if there was no room. I replied telling him simply it was too expensive and we could eat cheaper in Kuta (it also didn't help we didn't feel like any of the food). We soon arrived at some beach, where you had to pay to enter and you walk down the stairs through a cliff to get there.

The beach was loaded with tourists, and although it was a nice clean beach compared to the beaches of Kuta, we had nothing to do there as we had nothing to swim in. Not being told the beaches were simply for swimming. However there was a little stall of people cooking so we grabbed some Buffalo chicken wraps with chips (and a Bintang) for lunch which was delicious. However we couldn't stay long as tourists kept lighting up cigarettes and smoking right next to us (my wife has Asthma). So we began walking up the hill and again set of to another beach. This one was free. My Wife, feeling tired and hot decided not to walk down to this one so I went for a quick walk down the cliff, through the caves to view this beach which was sealed off along a cliff face with ship wrecks along the beach. It was quite a cool sight but not much for me to do so I took a few photos and climbed up again to return to my wife.

Soon we started heading to Uluwatu, so I guess the cultural park was just cancelled? Feeling annoyed with our driver (who we'd already organised to go on a tour with the next day) we hoped to enjoy the Sunset at Uluwatu Temple along with the Kecak Fire Dance. As we arrived Ketut without asking seemed to invite himself into Uluwatu with us (he wasn't wanted) and continued to be annoying telling us which spots were good for photos and wanting to take them of us. Leading the way that we went through the temple instead of letting us explore. My wife got to see the scary Monkeys at Uluwatu which I said I had got photos with last time, but I guess they're even more aggressive as they don't let you buy food for them now. Soon it was almost sunset and he informed us that the Kecak Dance had started but letting us know there was another at 7, which would mean we'd get back late and he could get more money. Nice fucking try Ketut. We got away from him for a little as we watched the Sunset and I told my wife we wouldn't go with him on his next tour, and that I would get us out of it. We soon headed off without watching the Kecak Fire Dance feeling even more disappointed and frustrated by our whole day. Coming up the street to our hotel Ketut pointed out another mall down from us, the Lippo Mall, saying it was new. He then asked if he should pick us up the same time tomorrow. I told him we were feeling very tired and might need a break and that I'd email him. Soon we arrived at our hotel and we were thankful to be rid of him. Feeling like we wasted a day we decided to go out that night to a Warung and try Bali's famed Babi Guling, which ended up being incredibly delicious.

The next morning we went for a walk down to the other Mall (thanks Ketut). And saw that they did performances there at night. So that very night they were going to do a Kecak Dance. What good fortune. So we got a Kiwi Fruit and Dragonfruit Gelato before heading to the other mall to try the weird KFC they did there, which was spicy melted cheese of a spicy wing... and spicy chocolate over spicy wings.
We then went and had another go of the 5D room to fill in the day before the Kecak dance at night.
The Kecak dance was strange, like weird rhythmic chanting with strange characters coming out and perofrming.I have no idea what it was about but we saw it. It however had no fire dancing, however there was fire dancing on the next night so we said we'd also come down to watch that,

The next day we had another day of hanging around in the pool relaxing before going over to Gloria Jeans so I could try an Avocado Espresso Chiller which ended up being really nice. 

As we waited for the fire dance that night it began to rain (the fire dance was already late) and we assumed it was cancelled so we went into the mall to try two Balinese desserts. Es Campur, and Wedang Ronde. However I don't think the quality of either of them was particularly good. As we went to go back to our hotel the fire dancers had arrived to we sat up the front to watch.
The show was amazing. Swinging around fire, blowing it, eating it, you name it they did it. I'd upload the video file on here for you to watch but apparently it exceeds Bloggers limits.

The following day we got a new driver through our hotel where instead of doing a tour we selected where we wanted to go. Heading out to the Monkey Forest in Ubud we had a great time as the Monkeys were much more friendly and I felt like there was more to see than at Uluwatu.

The Monkey Forest had a really fascinating Graveyard there, were the locals are buried until a specific time in the Balinese Calendar when they are finally dug up and cremated.

We then headed to Campuhan Ridge for a walk as it was the only walk I had found in Bali and I was missing hiking.

 We got to the restaurant at the end and enjoyed a nice lunch at the rice fields.

We than walked back and headed to our final destination Kemenuh Butterfly Park. Just before we arrived it began pouring with rain, luckily they had Umbrellas there and we went inside to have a look. Obviously as it was wet a lot of the Butterflies hid away but we still got to have a good look at them.

 We arrived home enjoying our day much relieved we hadn't done it through Ketut. Checking our phones my Wife found our she'd one a free go at the escape room, so we booked in to do the third and final room, Alcatraz, the very next day.

Alcatraz as an escape room was huge and very elaborate, way more physical than the other two had been. It included standing on top of a grate hooking a rope around something to pull a bar off so a door could be opened and climbing a really tall ladder. It was a blast and we agreed that when we got home we'd try out the new Escape Room that had just opened in Wollongong with our friends.

The next day we rested again, knowing our trip was coming to an end, we booked a massage just on our checkout time the next day as our flight didn't leave until night time and we figured that a 2 hour massage would speed up the day. I enjoyed another root beer float, having a massive selection of steamed buns at the Lippo Mall, and finally having dinner at a ridiculously fancy restaurant on the beach.

Our final day we slept in, enjoyed that last of our buffet breakfast, and got a massage with hot stones which was a unique experience, as last time I had been my massage experience was a little strange. We relaxed around eating a heap of food, before finally my wife decided she would suck up and have a go doing the Dr. Fish which I had previously done. We then had a terrible night flight back to Sydney where we didn't sleep at all. Finally after arriving home we had a quick sleep for 2 hours during the day and I got my stuff ready for work the next day.

I then worked Friday which killed as I felt absolutely exhausted. But that night I got to enjoy the chilli sauce that fast food restaurant GYG (Guzman Y Gomez) had sent me as I had missed their Day of the Deadly Sauce Challenge 2 years in a row and was going to miss it for a third (as I was in Bali), so they sent me 2 bottles, a shirt and some stickers all for free which I had Friday night after work for dinner.

The next morning My Wife and I and my friend Stuart and his wife Megan went into Wollongong to the new Breakout Bar and Escape Room to do the Egyptian Room for my birthday (which was the next day). It was a fun room, much more lock and key then the room in Bali but still fun with enough secrets and puzzles that we all had a really good time, deciding that we would go back the very next weekend to do the Medieval room. The next day for my birthday I rested as I had a full on week at work. Thursday night however, Stuart, Megan and I attended a Adventure Film Festival showing at Thirroul at Anita's Theatre called Radical Reels, which further inspired me to keep up my adventuring, and this blog. So Sunday came around and we attempted the Medieval Escape Room at this Breakout Bar. However some of the mechanisms didn't work. One which you figure out to put two pieces in place didn't work, until my wife suggested using a bigger magnet piece (used for something else) on it which cause it to work. Then a lock code thing didn't work even though we put the code in it, after about 5 minutes the guy came on speaker asking if we had the right code, we did. He had to come into the room and try to open it, which he couldn't do. All the while our timer counted down. He soon came back with a spare key to the key that was meant to be inside and we proceeded. We were on the very last puzzle when we ran out of time, which was incredibly annoying as we would have solved it if not for the equipment malfunctions. Expressing this to the guy he said 'Yeah that's annoying'. Guy, your comment was annoying. You should have compensated us with the time we were robbed of, as these escape rooms aren't fucking cheap.
We decided to do 'The Asylum' straight after determined to finish one that day. However everything in the room was long winded and pretty much needed to be done by one person almost like it was designed to kill time and make you fail so you had to come back and do it again. At the price they are we're not sure if we will go back, but are going to instead try a new one in Sydney.

And that concluded my blog guys! Hope you enjoyed it amidst my ranting and raving! And I will be back soon with more Hikes and Adventures!

If you have enjoyed this post, or my blog in general, please follow it, or like my page on facebook or follow me on Instagram.
Thanks for reading! - Steven

Cruise to Fiji and New Caledonia

So last year for Christmas my fiancée surprised me with this:

Turns out she'd purchased us a cruise. Sailing with Royal Caribbean onboard the Explorer of the Seas. Now, a cruise would never be my choice for an adventure, being stuck on a boat with a group of strangers, however there were at least 4 stops, Lautoka in Fiji, Suava in Fiji, Nouméa in New Caledonia and Isle of Pines in New Caledonia. The rest of the days were at sea, which I would have been worried about but I actually thought it would be nice spending the time with my (at this point recently became) fiancée, also, because I was a huge fan of trivia finding out there was many sessions of trivia on the cruise I was excited.

Lautoka and Suva were swapped

And so the date finally came around, and we set sail!

We obviously instantly headed to the buffet for a good feed. Lucky, and to save you the wondering, no, there was no outbreak of Gastro. However at one point a real creepy old guy did cough all over the food however people saw him and reported it right away and the food was removed. However it continued to prove my point that certain people are filth. We had a restaurant dinner the first night and were excited to discover they were serving escargot. Which, if you don't know, is snails cooked in garlic butter. Sound gross? I'd always thought so too, but I'm a pretty adventurous eater and we were unable to try it on our Eurotrip while in France (I swear I'll write about it one day!) so we'd had to travel to Darling Harbour in Sydney and try it at a French restaurant called The Little Snail which I took the dive an ate first to find... THEY'RE DELICIOUS! We have since been back to the restaurant a few times and the food is always amazing. But back to the cruise! So I skipped ahead to dinner, but long before that and after our lunch at the buffet we explored the ship stopping in at the Schooner Bar and getting the cocktail of the day (which we got whatever it was every day).

Schooner Bar

So we soon, during trivia events (of which there was usually morning trivia, battle of the sexes trivia, afternoon trivia and music trivia) learned about our hosts. Paul Poppe, Gustavo, Johnny Cash, Jessie and the lady we referred to as "The Aussie One", which was our least favourite. Gustavo was Mexican, and was fun, feminine and we thought he was awesome, Jessie, Johnny Cash and Paul Poppe were all American I found myself doing a great impression of Paul Poppe that apparently sounded completely accurate in which I quoted him "Hi I'm Paul Poppe and I'm from Miiiiamiiii Floriiidaaa!" He was our favourite. I questioned bringing them up and talking about these people because they are real people. However Gustavo and Jessie didn't give last names, Johnny Cash's was obviously fake and Paul Poppe had stated he did theatre and dreamed of being an actor so being called out on some random Australians travel/hiking/adventure blog that isn't read would hardly phase him I think. We won the trivia a couple of times and came close second or third a lot which we thought was pretty good considering you could be in a team of up to 6 and we always did it just the 2 of us. People started getting real competitive by the end and more and more people started coming to them. The battle of the sexes started ok, but as it always does it reverted and became very petty. The room was meant to be divided but my fiancée ended up sitting over with the men and complaining that the women where particularly obnoxious, she also complained saying that Jessie, the female trivia host for that battle tried to make it easier for them. As the men started to take the lead towards the end of the cruise the women began to get angry and actually complained to Jessie the host who then decided to change the rules. As it was if you answered it right, you got the next question and it continued that way, until you got it wrong then the other side got a chance, however if they got it wrong too you would continue. The women had no problem with this until the men started getting them all right and they couldn't get a shoe-in. So the very final day of it the rules changed to be each team gets a question and if wrong the other team got a chance to answer it, so everyone got a question turn per turn causing the women to jump ahead, and win the entire game and gloat, causing my fiancée to actually be really shitty and annoyed more so then the men who really didn't seem to care.

Now I'm a huge Batman fan, and during one trivia hosted by our favourite Paul Poppe (who it turns out was apparently a super geek like myself) we got the question "Batman is Bruce Wayne, who is Robin" causing me to yell out "Which Robin?" because multiple people have been Robin. To which he says to the captive audience "Ladies and Gentlemen you have our Batman nerd!" Insisting he was too and that we'd have to talk after the trivia. When reading out the answers he asked who else I put besides the obvious 'Dick Greyson' I replied, Jason Todd, Tim Drake, Damian Wayne and 'some chick" which I had actually wrote because I couldn't remember the name of Carrie Kelley. He laughed and repeated "some chick" I turned to my fiancée and said "Some chick WAS Robin, it was in The Dark Knight Returns, I can't remember her name." I never ended up going and talking to him because I'm naturally a socially anxious person despite my fiancée insisting because she wanted me to make friends with him, she insisted this the entire time causing me to be super awkward around him. But I'll bring that up later.

Our first stop was Lautoka. The one place we had prepaid in order to do a tour to a Fijian village with a thermal mudpool and try Kava also known as Yaqona. Our first stop off the ship we took a photo to show the size of it before catching a bus to what I believe was Sabeto to the thermal mud pool.

As we took the bus out a local Fijian Lady filled us in on Fijian history and culture explaining what side of the head you wear your flower indicates whether you are taken or single. We then selected someone from the bus to stand in a chief, for the Kava ceremony. As we continued to drive the rain began to fall heavily. So as we arrived we had to run from the bus under the shelter as wait for the ceremony. Kava itself actually didn't taste too bad, I didn't get too much of an effect from it myself but my fiancée felt really relaxed. We couldn't go properly into the mud pool because of the rain so as it slowed down we instead covered ourselves with the mineral rich mud and let it dry. As we were pretty much half naked for this, and both being self-conscious we took no photos instead we tried to focus on the experience. After walking around the village covered in the mud we then washed off it the thermal pool.

The next day our stop was Suva. Which, if I'm going to be completely honest was a fucking shithole. I don't know if it was alright for people who payed for a tour maybe, but it was just a crowded city of people hassling you and trying to sell you overpriced shit, think the streets of Kuta in Bali but 1000 times worse. We then had an old Fijian man bump into us and start talking and not wanting to be rude we talked back. He explained he was with the Suva council even showing some ID and saying he lived in Australia years ago and he was very nice, however weird as the entire time he held what looked like a tea towel in one hand, he then proceeded to say he new the best places to shop and kept taking us around to overpriced very expensive stores and we struggled to find a way to get away from him, hiding out in one for a while looking around hoping he'd have left and he was always there waiting to take us to the next one. I eventually said to my fiancée my plan to get away from him, so as we left from maybe the 4th shop I said we had to go as we were meeting friends who were leaving the ship, he then said he'd take us back to it... but that wasn't where we wanted to go, we just wanted to get away and explore on our own. So I said "Oh we're not meeting them back at the ship it's alright we'll find them." Hoping that would be it. He then proceeds to say because he helped us (by dragging us all over the fucking place to the most overpriced tourist trap shops) that we should help him (ie, give him some fucking money). I just told him we didn't have anything and we left. If you ever meet that guy, just fucking avoid him. We explored Suva for a bit and decided it was shit and we were sick of being hassled to we went back on the ship. That night during trivia, even Paul Poppe said he had no idea Suva was like that and that he walked past a movie theatre and was tempted to just go watch something, which, we walked past the same one and suggested the same idea. I would honestly (if I didn't have a tour book) if I was on a cruise again that stopped at Suva, stay on the ship.

Our next stop was Nouméa and after Suva, we weren't particularly looking forward to it, given many people had told us it wasn't great. But the lady who sold my fiancée the cruise informed her of a place called Lemon Bay or Baie des citrons. We paid for a hop on hop off bus and took our snorkeling gear and we were not disappointed. The was a reef just off the beach and once I got over my ungodly fear of Sharks it was amazing, the shops just across from it were really lovely too, I could holiday in that one spot and love it. Although I was frightened at one point by either a sea snake swimming past and touching my head, or an eel that looked exactly like one.

We then took the bus to the other side of the island (having already snorkeled there for hours on end, we snorkeled a bit here but it was mostly just a beach (although a lovely one) however we did find this guy there waiting for us.

The next day, having our spirits lifted by the joy that was Nouméa, we got up bright and early to be the first ones across to the Isle of Pines (which we had heard by everyone was the best). Upon arrival we were given a floral headband.

 However, the snorkeling wasn't great there, a lot had been bleached or destroyed and as the day progressed it got incredibly packed almost feeling like being at Bondi beach, albeit nicer.

We tried around this little island, and although there were fish, I think we were disheartened after how amazing Nouméa had been. Maybe it was the hype, and Nouméa had been talked down, but once people arrived on Isle of Pines so much sand was kicked up there was zero visibility. We decided to abandon snorkeling and just explore the island because numerous food and drink stalls had been set up by locals. One of the stalls gave us a free meal called a Bougna which is a cultural dish made with taro, yam, sweet potato, banana and a meat, it was delicious. We also made friends with some of the wild dogs of the island, at least we assumed they were wild. We also bought a lovely fresh fruit of a lady who no one was buying from. It was like a custard-apple but I think a different variety then we get in Australia because it was actually sweet and very delicious. We also paid and got a coconut to drink (I've never actually been a fan of coconut water but this one was actually very delicious) the man we bought it from the opened it with a machete so we could scoop and eat the inside of the coconut. We then went to the other side of the island where less people were and just swam around in the beach with the ship out in the background. 

After this we were back on the ship, knowing our relaxing adventures of trivia, islands, swimming pools, buffets, drinking and the other entertainment had almost come to an end. So I guess I can say now if you read for the island you can stop reading as I will simply tell a few more stories that happened on board the Explorer of the Seas.

So there were a few shows, a magician (who did a good job) and absolutely awful comedian and a hypnotist. Now, I've always wanted to be hypnotised. Why? It intrigues me and I'm unsure if I believe its real. So knowing there was going to be a show I arrived super early to the very front seat to make sure I could be chosen. However as soon as he came on he started making threats essentially. "If you don't believe it wont work on you it won't!" he said, "So don't bother coming up you're only wasting my time and everyone else's!" He was very abrasive about it, putting doubt in my head, which, was evidently a ploy and a guilt trip to stop people going up and if they did to make them feel like shit if it didn't work that they were wasting time so that they'd just go along with it. But before he'd even called people up so many people in the front row had jumped up and taken chairs, so I believed they were planted. As the woman sitting next to me, at the very front said she was there because she could barely see, yet she was one of the first people to jump up and grab a chair before he'd said it. He had also been spitting while talking into the microphone so my fiancée and I just stood up and walked out and didn't even waste our time watching the show.

A few other things we did that they had on the cruise was ice skate, rock climb, shoot hoops, play Mario Kart, a shooting game and air hockey in the arcade, mini golf, and I tried the flow rider surfing thing. I can't skateboard or surf, needless to say I sucked. However one day out by the pool Paul Poppe showed up to host a bean bag throwing competition. My fiancée begged me to be in it to talk to Paul, and so I went up and signed up. While talking to him and saying my name was Steven he said to me "My middle name is Steven" to which, in my unholy horror and supreme levels of awkardness replied "Mine's James". Clarifying to everyone that I'm surely on the spectrum.

Needless to say I actually did alright at it, but eventually psyched myself out by doing too well and missed the board completely on my last 2 throws.

And so we arrived back in Sydney, I never did have a proper conversation with Paul, however the fiancée did try to add him on facebook. She got worse that a decline. She got ignored. And after being home we had a solid two weeks of laughing at my Paul impression and quoting Johnny Cash's "Money, Money, Money, Moneyyyyyy!" that he did over the speakers to get you to play bingo.

My fiancée will be my Wife in under 2 months time and we'll have a adventurous honeymoon in Bali, and although I've already posted a Bali blog. I may indeed write a whole new one.

If you have enjoyed this post, or my blog in general, please follow it, or like my page on facebook or follow me on Instagram. 

Thanks for reading! - Steven