2026 has so far been a pretty tumultuous year.
In March I became a father for the first time to a beautiful baby girl.
But anyone who has had children can probably tell you, it's not easy. Or as a work colleague told me before she was born: "It's the hardest thing you will ever do."
I dismissed his opinion. 'It can't be harder than going through cancer.' I thought.
But after a pretty hectic C-Section, my Wife needed a lot of support at home when they both got out of hospital, and I had 4 weeks off from work as parental leave, which I can say was a huge shock to the system. It was like life stopped, froze, there was no outside world, no joy, it was constant care, no sleep, not even able to eat or go to the bathroom without screams filling the house.
We were both in out of our heads and burnt out.
Then the postpartum depression kicked in for my Wife. Regretting having our beautiful girl, angry, resentful, sadness.
I tried to manage all this too, but found myself even more out of my depth. I was juggling all the housework, caring for my Wife after her surgery, and caring for our daughter and our Dog.
Then after the 4 weeks I was back at work, my hard physical job in bush regeneration, outdoors all day doing manual labour, and coming home to a resentful Wife pushing the baby onto me to care for because she was "sick of her".
The tension began to build and arguments would start, and then I think, resentment on both sides.
Our daughter was hard work, but I loved her, I found her cute and adorable.
"She's not." My Wife would say with disdain. There were fleeting moments when she seemed to be growing on her, and my Wife seemed happy to be a Mum, but it would all be abolished as soon as she had a hard day, or hard hour.
March and April passed in much of a repetitive daze of this, feeding and changing nappies.
Work was the only adventure I was having, hiking and bushwalks seemed like a distant dream.
I would go out for 1 hour on the weekends to my local Bouldering Gym for a climb, the one thing for myself.
Things did seem to be improving though, slowly over time it seemed like a routine was developing and some tensions and stress was lifted as my Wife slowly recovered. The ticking time bomb of my TAFE Horticulture Certificate still loomed over my head, with only 1 module left to complete before July, causing stress and pressure.
Then on 28th April on my way home from work, I came to a 'Give Way' T-Intersection, and gave way to a car coming on my right.
CRASH.
I was shot out into the T-Intersection as the car behind me had rear-ended me. I pulled up to the side of the road, mildly frustrated but expecting a ding in the car.
Nope, my entire boot had been smashed in.
"Jesus," I said to the man who had crashed into me (he was super apologetic), "It didn't feel like it was that bad." I told him, as we swapped detail for him to make an insurance claim.
I was hoping it could be fixed, as the car had previously belong to my Wife's Grandfather, who had now passed away due to dementia.
I was fine that afternoon, though a bit stiff the next day as everyone kept telling me to get medically checked (just in case).
As the days went on, my back only got more sore, and I thought I better go to a Doctor (better safe than sorry).
I was sent for a CT Scan, later getting a call to tell me I had some sort of condition, that my lower spine was attached to my hips. I was told it was nothing to do with the accident, but I had to go in to see him to explain it further.
I was stressing, assuming I was going to have some degenerating thing and not be able to do the things I loved anymore. I was tired from work, tired from the baby, tired from my Wife. My back hurt, I was stressed about TAFE, stressed about my car, trying to work out a hire car, and stressed because the house was a mess.
I was physically and emotionally burnt out, unable to even do my one hobby of bouldering, but I kept pushing though.
Next was the call. The car had been written off. Just another thing I needed, to work out getting a new car. Everything seemed like too much.
Finally I saw my Doctor, who explained to me that I have Bertolotti's Syndrome, which was basically a birth defect, probably flared up from the accident. But understanding what I had, it made sense looking back on so many things in my life, including my aching lower back, and even why I got such severe leg cramps from doing long or arduous hiking or bushwalking.
It was just another thing to bring me down, along with my permanent anaemia, and lung damage from my chemotherapy and Stem Cell Transplant, I now had this, but then, I guess I always did.
We dipped into our saving to organise a new car, with out interpersonal drama continuing on and off, and trying my best to be a good father with everything life was throwing at me.
On the 10th of May, my Mother messaged me while she was on holiday in Bali, informing me that my Uncle Colin (my Nan's Half-brother, but we call him Uncle) was in hospital. He had taken a fall and broken his hip.
A day later, I heard that because of his alcoholism (which I discussed at the end of my Grotto walk post), that his kidneys were failing and it was too late to do dialysis, and it was basically a waiting game.
On Friday the 15th of May he passed away.
My brother had tried to call me but after working a 10 and a half hour work shift that day I had gone to bed early and work up Saturday morning to hear the news.
 |
| RIP Uncle Colin |
My brother called me to say that they weren't even going to have a funeral for him. I assumed it was because he lived in poverty, no one wanted to spend the money for him. The whole thing was sad.
I thought back on my last visit to see him, and all the stories he had told myself, my Mum and my Nan. Most involving gambling or alcohol. Specifically Toohey's Old.
'I'll have a Toohey's Old for you Uncle Colin'. I thought to myself as I drove to work for a 4 hour overtime shift to get some extra money in the current cost-of-living crisis in Australia.
I returned home to try and do some TAFE, and thought I would write a quick update blog, because even if I go on a walk again soon, I don't think I'd have the time or energy to write about it for a while. So that's been the last 3 months for me, and I image it will continue similarly into the near future.
I will end with a poem written by my Uncle Colin, who I think is a much better writer than I ever will, or will ever hope to be:
"Old Photos
When I look at my old photos,
They all seem to be in black & white
Does that mean I'm getting old
I sure hope that can't be right
But lately I have noticed
That I get no women's smiles
So perhaps that's how it happens
When you've been this many miles
I look into their faces
To see if they will smile for me
But when they do it's just polite
It's just an old guy that they see
I always try to shave each day
And put Brylcreem on my hair
But no ladies seem to notice
They no longer seem to care
That's why I look forward to a girl
That always smiles for me
And even though I'm getting old
My mate Louse doesn't seem to see" by 'The Cherryman' - Colin Davison
Postscript:
